Some tips for Surviving, Thriving, and Resilience in a Rapidly Changing World
We have more control than we realise over our beliefs, thoughts and the stories we tell ourselves about both the world around us and ourselves. This has a major impact on how we feel and what we do. And in a circular way it also then affects our perceptions. If we have very negative beliefs, it is like a negative filter over reality, so we perceive different things and then react to them in different ways.
This is not some Pollyanna-ish denial of reality. It is accepting reality but focusing on it in different ways.
MODEL
Adapted from The 12 Secrets to Health and Happiness by Louise Samways
Events in the world
Perceptions
Beliefs
Thoughts/Self talk
Emotions/Feelings (Feelings are how emotions feel in your body)
Behaviour/Actions
Things I Control
Events in the world (I have no control)
Perceptions (I have control)
Beliefs (I have control)
Thoughts/Self talk (I have control)
Feelings (I have control indirectly via the previous steps)
Behaviour/Actions (I have control)
EXAMPLE
Events in the world
(COVID – 19. I Can’t get items I want at supermarket when I go)
Perceptions
(Every time I go there are empty shelves. People have full trollies. There’s no toilet paper again. Everyone looks angry.)
Beliefs
(People are selfish. People are hoarding. I will miss out. The world is dangerous and unfair. It’s dog eat dog. Life sucks. I always miss out. The government is useless. People are idiots.)
Thoughts/Self talk
(I need to look out for number 1. I must be ruthless and get what I can for me and my family. I’m going to miss out. I won’t survive this. I’m going to freak out. I can’t cope. This is too much.)
Emotions/Feelings
(Angry, afraid, desperate, frustrated, irritated, helpless/
Tight, edgy, restless, like a coiled spring, tired)
Behaviour/Actions
(aggression, lashing out, blaming others, being nasty or impatient in word or gesture, yelling, swearing, frowning)
OR
Events in the world
(COVID – 19. I Can’t get items I want at supermarket when I go)
Perceptions
(Every time I go there are empty shelves. There’s no toilet paper again. The checkout person looks depressed.)
Beliefs
(I am not going to be able to look after myself or my family, There’s nothing I can do, The world is doomed, Life sucks.)
Thoughts/Self talk
(There’s no point coming to the shops; Why bother trying; This is hopeless; I am useless; I can’t cope; I will never recover from this.)
Emotions/Feelings
(Helpless; hopeless; despondent, sad, worthless/
Listless, fatigued, slumped, like wading through treacle)
Behaviour/Actions
(withdrawal into self, sighing, looking down)
Resilient EXAMPLE
Events in the world
(COVID – 19. I Can’t get items I want at supermarket when I go)
Perceptions
(Every time I go there are some empty shelves, but there are also plenty of items still available. There’s lots of fresh veges. Some people are smiling at me as they pass. The checkout person looks stressed but he’s still trying to be pleasant. People are really trying to maintain a good physical distance. That lady looks really worried.)
Beliefs
(Some people are scared and stressed and that’s understandable. I can choose how I respond to this situation. I can live without some things. Being kind to people costs nothing. I’m adaptable. Little things can make a big difference.
Thoughts/Self talk
I can’t control what’s on the shelves, but I can control what I buy and how I adapt. I can be more flexible with what I cook or use. I can see what I can do to help others. I’ll get through this. It’s inconvenient/unpleasant, not a personal catastrophe. Being scared sometimes is okay, I just need to look after myself. This will be the making of me, I’ll cope.)
Emotions/Feelings
(Peace, patience, hope, equanimity, optimism, empathy, inspiration/
Relaxed, loose, at ease, energised)
Behaviour/Actions
(smiling, waiting patiently, being creative, being understanding and kind in word or gesture, helping where I can, trying to be a positive role model, looking after myself as well)
Start by noticing and then changing any aspect you have control over. The more you practice the better you’ll get at it. What have you got to lose.
This is not some Pollyanna-ish denial of reality. It is accepting reality but focusing on it in different ways.
MODEL
Adapted from The 12 Secrets to Health and Happiness by Louise Samways
Events in the world
Perceptions
Beliefs
Thoughts/Self talk
Emotions/Feelings (Feelings are how emotions feel in your body)
Behaviour/Actions
Things I Control
Events in the world (I have no control)
Perceptions (I have control)
Beliefs (I have control)
Thoughts/Self talk (I have control)
Feelings (I have control indirectly via the previous steps)
Behaviour/Actions (I have control)
EXAMPLE
Events in the world
(COVID – 19. I Can’t get items I want at supermarket when I go)
Perceptions
(Every time I go there are empty shelves. People have full trollies. There’s no toilet paper again. Everyone looks angry.)
Beliefs
(People are selfish. People are hoarding. I will miss out. The world is dangerous and unfair. It’s dog eat dog. Life sucks. I always miss out. The government is useless. People are idiots.)
Thoughts/Self talk
(I need to look out for number 1. I must be ruthless and get what I can for me and my family. I’m going to miss out. I won’t survive this. I’m going to freak out. I can’t cope. This is too much.)
Emotions/Feelings
(Angry, afraid, desperate, frustrated, irritated, helpless/
Tight, edgy, restless, like a coiled spring, tired)
Behaviour/Actions
(aggression, lashing out, blaming others, being nasty or impatient in word or gesture, yelling, swearing, frowning)
OR
Events in the world
(COVID – 19. I Can’t get items I want at supermarket when I go)
Perceptions
(Every time I go there are empty shelves. There’s no toilet paper again. The checkout person looks depressed.)
Beliefs
(I am not going to be able to look after myself or my family, There’s nothing I can do, The world is doomed, Life sucks.)
Thoughts/Self talk
(There’s no point coming to the shops; Why bother trying; This is hopeless; I am useless; I can’t cope; I will never recover from this.)
Emotions/Feelings
(Helpless; hopeless; despondent, sad, worthless/
Listless, fatigued, slumped, like wading through treacle)
Behaviour/Actions
(withdrawal into self, sighing, looking down)
Resilient EXAMPLE
Events in the world
(COVID – 19. I Can’t get items I want at supermarket when I go)
Perceptions
(Every time I go there are some empty shelves, but there are also plenty of items still available. There’s lots of fresh veges. Some people are smiling at me as they pass. The checkout person looks stressed but he’s still trying to be pleasant. People are really trying to maintain a good physical distance. That lady looks really worried.)
Beliefs
(Some people are scared and stressed and that’s understandable. I can choose how I respond to this situation. I can live without some things. Being kind to people costs nothing. I’m adaptable. Little things can make a big difference.
Thoughts/Self talk
I can’t control what’s on the shelves, but I can control what I buy and how I adapt. I can be more flexible with what I cook or use. I can see what I can do to help others. I’ll get through this. It’s inconvenient/unpleasant, not a personal catastrophe. Being scared sometimes is okay, I just need to look after myself. This will be the making of me, I’ll cope.)
Emotions/Feelings
(Peace, patience, hope, equanimity, optimism, empathy, inspiration/
Relaxed, loose, at ease, energised)
Behaviour/Actions
(smiling, waiting patiently, being creative, being understanding and kind in word or gesture, helping where I can, trying to be a positive role model, looking after myself as well)
Start by noticing and then changing any aspect you have control over. The more you practice the better you’ll get at it. What have you got to lose.
